Versions of Me

Why not?  Here it goes.  This picture was taken with my wife Summer, about 5 years ago.  If I was to "guesstimate" I would say I am somewhere between 245lb and 265lbs - -probably closer to the 245lb.  I've always liked this picture - -it does me good.  I think it is because everytime I see it I still think to myself, "Who's the hot chick" . .Good for my self esteem.  Plus I look kinda cool with the juxtaposition of the scholarly glasses and the tattooed arms. . .yeah right . . .thank goodness my wife can see the inside . . and didn't mind that all of our children have my cinderblock/Charlie Brown type head . . OUCH!!!

That is me with the microphone.  I am so fat in this picture, believe it or not, that is my shadow seated at the drums.  We were a pretty successful trio on the polka/gangster rap circuit and were signed to a gig on the Arsenio Hall Show; until an evening that I would like to forget and in a fit of binging, I consumed both of my bandmates - - 280 to 290 lbs

This is my mother and grandfather along with a small child they were trying to convince me not to wrap in a oversized tortilla, sprinkle with a fresh garden salsa and consume - - I had just found out we were out of Brats and Kraut. 300 plus pounds

Yikes!  Look at that - -I look like Arnold when he did that pregnant man movie.  This was taken last Fall - -I'm comfortable with the 280-290lb range in this one.  Thats Kyra, our 3 year old.  She has developed an affinity for me nailing her with the blower blast . . .I know, I know . . .things come out at a gazillion miles an hour, thats how accidents happen, yadda yadda . .no worries, I've told her to keep her eyes closed.

Thanksgiving 2009 - - -easily 310 lbs.  That is our eleven year old, Elliot to my left.  I am explaining to him that we can't hold any ill feelings towards the Greenpeace activists that had just left; although they had spent the last hour trying to roll me back into the bathtub so I could head for open water.  Note how I cleverly disguised myself as a 1986 Prom Picture Photo Background.

NOW --- FOR MY FIRST BIG UNVEIL - - - "Ladies & Gentleman. . . .12 weeks into a New Years Resolution . . . . . over 250 miles logged on failing knees . . .the world's most recent lover of Hummus & Wheat Pitas . . . . . with a current weight loss of  44 lbs and still going strong . .complete props to Spark People and C25K . . . . . .a skinnier Fatso . . . .. . .me this evening in the kitchen

Okay . . so it isn't quite as dramatic as the Biggest Loser - -but it is 44lbs-- and I'm lovin it!  So of course, much to the chagrin of my wife, I got carried away

Here I am being contemplative;

Suave

I call this "The Jolly Green Giant" but personally I think the effect is much better when I am wearing my spandex biker shorts and a wife beater . . . .speaking of wife, she threatened to quit playing if I changed into the outfit so you get the boring version.

 

But alas, there was a tinge of reality to the situation - - as it has oft been said, "You can't go home again...." and I believe this applies to your high school wardrobe as well

But you can have fun with it

Look at the Guns!!  Fire-Powah!! Boom! Boom!  Pay no attention to the fact that I am attempting to smuggle 28 pounds of bread dough and the half metamorphised body of Voldemort under my shirt . . .Geesh-O-Pete - - it looks as if someone shaved down a gorilla's behind  and he is copping a squat over the front of my belt......

Needless to say some of the kids enjoyed my show

While others may never recover -

Sorry Son . . . .

and daughter . . . . . it wasn't that bad was it????

Justin?  Justin? What are you doing?

Put away the gun - - Dad will never wear the Mario shirt again . . .. . (this week . . . .sshhhhhh . . .I think the Missus kind of liked it - - I got either a "Come hither" look or  the pangs of nauseau from her.  I'll put it on tonight and let you know whether she barfs.)